Mental Access to MTKuszek

Mental Access to MTKuszek
A Window of Opportunity

Friday, September 30, 2011

09-30-201 an exercise in meaningless acievement

day 494

so, for some reason, my body has begun to rebel against me, for both good and bad. the good news is that my ankle is healing wonderfully, and i haven't had to wear the brace for some time now. in fact, ever since the Cedar Point trip. i have a greater confidence that it's going to heal all right on its own.

the downfall is that my body doesn't know how to sleep when it supposed to all night long. the past several weeks, i have had to get up in the middle of the night and kill some time by playing video games, tv, the computer.

now my personal game of choice right now is "Dead Rising 2" a zombie infected Faux Las Vegas with tons of gimmicky weapons and unique missions. i've beat the game several times, and now i have turned my attention to "Grinding" for "trophies"

(for the non gamer: Grinding for Trophies means that i've spending time doing mundane tasks to unlock Trophies which are imaginary achievements that really don't amount to anything.)

anyway, i have my eye on the prize right now; i have begun to work towards two specific trophies that involve zombie bodycount. one is called "Z-Genocider 2: Genocide Harder" and i have to kill 53,596 zombies. the second is called "Zombie Genocide Master" which means i have to kill 72,000 zombies.

now, you're thinking, if i've played this several times, shouldn't i have an overall cumulative zombie count that equals this already? HA! here's the caveat; i have to do in one play-through, which is an in game 72-hour period, translating to just under 7 hours of real world time.

preposterous! how could anyone pull off such a feat?

simple, i bought the keys to a generation one Hummer; wide, heavy, and made to go over anything in its path.

now all i have to do is spend the several hours crushing zombies, ignoring all other aspects of the game, and turning a blind to every other survivor in the game. all in the name of a trophy the doesn't really exist...

does it help that the trophy is a gold trophy?

no...not really...oh well, ZOMBIES!!! WOO!!!


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

09-21-2011 A Long Day/ Clearly Insane

day 485

i begin writing this about about 5:50 am, simply because i didn't sleep well last night, and when i went to bed, my four year old decided this was the perfect time to get up. she is energetic, and i am fading. now the rest of the family is up to start their day, and i feel disconnected to the day already.

in other news, i've been writing more and more. in fact, i'm writing a few more entries for another publication later this year, and frankly i wonder if i am completely insane. some of the stuff i come up with is so far out in left field, i might be in another ballpark all together. some of the things that i come up with kind of frighten me, and i've started to wonder about why i tend to gravitate towards certain trends.

without giving away too much, i'm writing about a correlation between certain baseballs hit during the summer of 1998 and the very opening of the gates of hell because the owner of said baseballs is actually a demon. What? Who thinks this way? oh wait, i do!

so i'm trying to continue writing that entry today. i think i just need to keep my head down and barrel through it and not question my abilities or my state of mental health. maybe some sleep deprivation might help the gears to turn without issue.


Sunday, September 11, 2011

09-11-2011 Out Of Sync/ Honorable Mention

day 475

quick mention to 9-11 and all those who were lost in the terrible tragedy that was the world trade center attack. though you are gone, you will never be forgotten.

and on to today's post.

today i feel a little bit out of sync with the world. i've missed some good opportunities this weekend, but at the same time, some new opportunities are coming my way. i feel closer than ever to securing another car for the family, and i really hope it works out. also, though this Wednesday is the last time that i will ever step foot on BAX GLOBAL property, the job hunt is heating up, and i hope to secure a good job here real soon. i think i need it to keep my sanity going.

i plan on starting to work on some new projects in the meantime, giving myself a head start on the convention schedule next year. though i have no idea what the future holds for me, i have to keep moving forward as is there is no interrupt whatsoever.

speaking of conventions, my epic "Qags-in-a-Bag" game from Gencon was noted in a very cool podcast by if you want a taste of the insanity that i perform, listen to the podcast, and the section about me begins at about the 17:30 mark. i'll include a link at the bottom of the page for it.

i'm missing all my friends right now, but my wife is really helping me through this tough time right now, and i'm really beginning to let my real feeling come to the surface. i hope some good friend therapy is around the corner to help me cope with the emptiness.

i'm starting to put some plans into motion to run some social event of some sort in the near future. planning is a little sketchy at the moment, since my family is taking up a lot of that time, since they know that i'm off on the weekends. some good small trips are coming up in the future, and that'll help me get out of the funk.

i'm going back to michael's craft store in a little bit to go get some more halloween items with the girls. we'll make a day of it. NFL football is back, and that's good for the soul.

peace my friends. stay frosty.


PS: Podcast link

Friday, September 9, 2011

09-09-2011 I Hate People

day 473

i come to the horrible realization that i hate people. i really loathe them. not because of who they are, but rather that the collective is untrustworthy. my lack of faith in them, along with general apathy for the whole, grows every day.

last night, at about 9pm, we get one of those "double doorbell rings". my wife and i look at each other, wondering who this could be at this hour.

long story short, my wife answers the door, and this wet guy points out that he has his boss's car, that he locked out, that his car is on holland sylvania and bancroft, and that he need 15 bucks for the wrecker, and he was adamant about how much he needed. i was nearby the door, listening to him speed talk through this, i think he even faked a phone call, talking to his "wife" about the babysitter and how he's going to be late. i heard no feed back from the phone.

so my wife, a kindhearted woman, gave him the money.

this is not the first time we've been asked for money, but i swear to the heavens it will be the last. again i reiterate that i hate people. i'm generally paranoid at night, overly protective about my family, and my mistrust of the species grows with every little incident that happens to us.

Why us? why are we the good ones?


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

09-07-2011 Mr Monday Creeps Me Out.

Day 471

I haven't talked about Mr Monday recently, which isn't a bad thing. he just hasn't sone anything to really upset me, since i know that our time together is coming to an end. but this morning, he kind of creeped me out.

last night, i went into work for "cleanup crew", getting the place ready for what ever next tenant moves in. whenever that is. we worked from 2am to about 345am. not terrible, but a lot less than we're used to.

we leave the place, and in the parking lot, one of my co workers comes up with the idea about going to a pancake house of international renown. i'll all for it, so a few of my co-workers, individuals that i would call friends, go off to the nearest said establishment.

i pull into the parking lot and get out of my car. now, mind you it's dark and raining, but i can tel through my rain streaked glasses that a large vehicle is behind my car. i realize that it is Mr Monday's Van

funny. i think to myself, i didn't invite him. did he overhear us? did he see me turn in here because he goes this way to the expressway? what the hell does he want?

i wait to see if he's going to pull into the spot next to me, he does not. instead i go across the road and circle over to his window.

"what's up?" i inquire.

"hey, i've got a question for you?" he replies


"when are we supposed to start the unemployment registration?"

"date of termination and not before" i reply

"ok, that's what i thought. i'll see ya." he says. he begins to drive off.

i give him a quick wave and go towards the door. at that time two of my associates get out of there car.

"hey, was that just--?"

"yeah, yeah it was."

what? he's not eating here with us, is he?"

"no no no. he just wanted to ask me a question about unemployment."

"oh...that's kinda weird."


so we go inside and meet up with the two other who got to the restaurant before us.
during the food and conversation, two of the employees talk about how one of the independent contractors' cargo van is a "rape van" because it has a mattress in the back on the sidewall of the van.

at this point, my eyes open wide because i just realized something. i blurt out
"boy, i'm real glad (Mr Monday)'s question wasn't 'Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?'".

at this point, i have to relay the specifics of this strange visit from the strange man in the parking lot to the other two individuals i was partaking in breakfast with. they game me the slightly creeped out look much like the others did.

only one more day with Mr Monday. then, freedom. i just really wish i don't run into him an another job.


Saturday, September 3, 2011

09-03-2011 Nothing Will Stop Me Now

day 467

Bax Global's operations have come to a complete halt, and i've had about 48 hours to really let that sink in. i've had moments of sorrow, those moments of stomach illness that allows worry to set in, and a general feeling of lethargy.

but that will pass very soon, because i know that this is opportunity. not an ending. but a new beginning. a rebirth. a moment that demands the seizing of it.

i know that 14 years is a long time to work for one place, but Bax helped me grow significantly, maturing as a human being and gaining experience along the way, and i will be forever thankful for that.

i know that my skill set is solid, and that any employer out there will be lucky to have me as an employee.

this level of confidence that i have right now is necessary , and the hopes that i will soon have a job is fueling me through this difficult time, but i intend to test exactly what i'm made of, and i know exactly what i'm made of. there is nothing on this earth at this exact moment that can stop me from achieving my goals.

i want people to know that i am fine, and that there is no need to worry about me or worry for us. my family and i are ready to brace the storm, and although we still need to put some thing in motion, we will be able to handle this situation and brave the storm.

i thank all of you for the continued support, and i will see you all soon.