Mental Access to MTKuszek

Mental Access to MTKuszek
A Window of Opportunity

Monday, October 31, 2011

10/31/2011 Derailed

day 525

from Thursday onward, this whole list of things to do was shut completely down. i took the day off on Friday to spend time with Jillian, which in fact she was supposed to be with one of the Grandmas that day. It didn't work out that way.

Then, The Riot Act was read to me by my wife. She had a difficult week, and apparently i was the target she chose to take it out on. i'm not holding it against her, since i know she's in a hormonal state at the moment, and i'm used to these antics during these moments. Sometimes i wonder if i know her cycle a little too well.

so now, i'm taking the foot off the pedal a little bit, working on the pressing pieces one at a time. the first thing i need to do is get ready for this weekend, and the Game Day at the Fort (Ft Meigs). i plan on running my set of Clash of the Kaiju on Saturday from 1-4, so if you're in the area, come check it out and support the fort.

i have all the hard components of the game set, but i still need to make printouts, and posts on the facebook page. it appears that i've overlooked a few things and need to correct them before moving forward.

once this weekend deal is done, it will be nothing but working on my second draft on my stand alone project. it needs A LOT of work, but i'm still convinced that it can be a success. everything else has to take a back seat for a while. My projects for upcoming conventions; welcome to the backseat.

that's all i have for now my peeps. have a great one.


Thursday, October 27, 2011

10/27/2011 Adjusting the Schedule

day 521

yesterday was a bit of a wash for me.

my four year old daughter was in one of her moods, which involves a lot of whining. she wanted to be involved in everything that i was working on. she needed some "us" time.

i can't turn that down.

i did manage to finish my second entry for the publication and sent it via email. i received a nice email back saying thanks for the entries. that made me feel good about what i was doing. i was questioning my work, i still do, and i know that i've given them carte blanche to fix and change anything around in my entries. anything to keep the creativity rolling.

but now i'm officially behind on my to do list. time for a bit of restructuring.

my next projects were a 24 hour grind on finishing an event for February, as well as beginning to tear apart my first draft of my stand alone project and begin to "frankenstein" it back together. What to do? What to do?

i think today i do a bit of both, starting with my first draft, and then work on my event once i tire of the revisions. thankfully, i have some great direction in the way i'm supposed to edit this thing. i now have a format that i can follow that might make this easier for me, plus i need to add a lot of content and refine the grammar quite a bit.

some excitement for a busy writing day. hopefull i can get several hours of writing done today. Off i go!!!


Wednesday, October 26, 2011

10/26/2011 Ahead of the Game? Or Behind Schedule?

Day 520

yesterday, i began to write my second entry for an upcoming publication, which meant that i had to do some background research of the subjects. It was a little more than i liked. but that's ok.

i spent most of the day writing and refining this entry, which to me is different than anything else i've written for this group. it's bland, designed not to be a magnificent or amazing item. i guess everything doesn't need to be spectacular.

but i didn't finish it.

at the end of the day, there were too many distractions to count after a few hours of writing. again. life pokes its ugly nose into everything i do. so i shut down the laptop, went downstairs, and began the mundane household chores. paid a bill online...WOO!!!

so today, i'm going to finish the entry and get it out in the email. then begin to revise my first draft.

this bring up this notion: am i ahead of the game, or have i fallen behind. my personal belief is that i'm ahead of schedule because if i hadn't made the list, i would be behind farther than now. so in other words, i'm just a little behind schedule.

time to move it today.


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

10/25/2011 Check That Off the List

day 519

before i begin, i just want to point something out; when i write this, i don't necessarily use proper syntax and english skills when writing this blog. i don't capitalize or punctuate all the time, i just make sure that get the words across and try to spell them correctly. it's my brain spilling out on the page, that's all. i'm actually a pretty good writer, i just don't use it here.

anyway, on to the post.

so yesterday (as well as today) i'm in my daughter's room, working at her desk, which is now my makeshift office for the days that she is gone. i began writing my entries, but then life decided to slow me down a bit. i received a phone call from my mother-in-law, discussing the possibilities about how my youngest daughter may have a urinary tract infection, and just generally making me feel bad about my current situation. it amazes me how things break down when you don't have the support system in place to catch it.

anyway, i get back to writing, then visit the social network to suddenly get bombarded with messages about another Bax-like business moving into the hub. this takes me back downstairs to print out an application, but not fill it out. i still need to talk to rachel more about this, but she really wasn't in a good mood last night to talk about it.

so again, i get back upstairs, but i lose my flow. at this point i take a break. relax and play a few games with my kids. once my daughters are settled in in the afternoon, i go back upstairs and finish the first entry. i look it over, then send it off to the proper people. i hope to hear something about it soon.

today, it's part two of the entries, though i have to write it from scratch today. a little bit of background research, and then the writing. i think i have a few ideas for it, but need to refine it as i write.

let's see where this takes me today. peace.


Monday, October 24, 2011

10/24/2011 Let's Do This To-Do-List

Day 518

So today i have decided to put myself to the test this week. so far, i've been able to balance the day to day affairs of running the household since i've been without occupation, but other things have fallen on the way side. this week, i'm going to pay attention to these outstanding commitments and get them rolling into right direction.

so, without further ado, here are the things that need to be done.

1) this blog: i want to get this out there that i'm doing this and get you an update about how this week is going. so far so good, right? i hope this will act as a warm-up for all of my writing skills, since i haven't been using them too much.

2) (today) finishing the HEX entries: this is a MUST and top of the priority list. for those who know me and have been paying attention to me the last year, i was published in a game supplement with a couple of entries for Hex Games. now, with another edition in the works, i have a few outstanding entries that need to be finished and placed in their hands. the specific ones that i'm working on are "official" on their list of things they want to include, so the pressure is on to deliver something good. i'm not thrilled with the way the entries turned out, but they're about as good as they're going to get. i'm going to rework them a bit, and hopefully i have one of them out to them.

3) revision of my first draft for publication: ok, the cat's out of the bag, i'm working on my first stand-alone product. it's the most challenging thing i've ever done, and thankfully my friend Ian has done wonders showing me what needs to be reworked, but at the same time being supportive enough to tell me that the works is good. i'm excited about this, and i want to deliver something awesome. the first step is to get this revision started. to refine it and take another step toward the finished product.

4) read: i have two people who's unpublished works i'm reading/correcting/feedbacking for them. i've been lacking on this, but no more. if i'm not writing, i'm reading. i know this isn't as pressing as my other issues, but as a favor to them, i'm doing it this week before anything else.

5) the 24-hour game grind: my next game convention isn't until february at BASHcon in Toledo, and i have a great game i want to run. however, i need to get a lot of things in gear for it. i have time, but i want to see if i can crank it out in about a day. i haven't been sleeping well recently, so maybe i'll stay up late and see where this takes me. perhaps i can get it finished.

6) Fix the Kaiju Box: i need to physically fix my "Clash of the Kaiju" box. i have an event in about two weeks at Ft Meigs, so i need to have everything up to snuff. i'll need to fix some monster bases, printouts, and to fix my cardboard slots at the bottom of the the box. this will be done toward the end of the week.

i think that's it. time to get cracking.


Sunday, October 16, 2011

10/16/2011 Stuck in a Funk

day 510

"But in the cosmos there is balm as well as bitterness, and that balm is nepenthe."

-- H.P. Lovecraft "The Outsider"

an absolute emptiness has fallen upon me. i still haven't grieved over the loss of my job. i've kept it hidden inside me, but it lurks there, and its messing me up big time.

all writing projects hae come screeching to a halt, including those that i have to work on for publication. i over-analyze my own talents, and question every word i write. there is no joy in anything i produce. other projects i used to work on with fervor are now mundane and shoddy in my eyes.

i find it hard to leave the house for anything anymore. though i had plans for this past weekend, both fell through. one unfortunately was because my wife was sick, and it was better to tend to her than leave her alone. the good in my heart is still there. the next day, Saturday, a day that usually was a day of great joy to me, was nothing more than another 24 period of existence. i could have done some fun things, yet nothing appealed to me, i was bored, and refused to be proactive in my pursuits because "nothing sounded good to me"

this is bullshit. this is not me.

those that know me personally know that i am a quiet and reserved person. i try not to rock the boat, stay in line, and just deal with whatever comes my way. i do better when my mind spills out on a page rather than a one on one social situation. now i have to rely on my social skills to get me through the day. that's very hard for me.

i'm a happy person, trying to see the good in things, and that part of me has been poisoned. the more turmoil i see on TV and in the town that i live in, the more that poison seeps into my veins. it's choking my good nature. i'm now one of the countless herd that has to fight to survive. that's pisses me off greatly.

not it seems that i am in a classic "man vs self" battle, and i have to play dirty to win. this is more of a challenge that i thought it would be.

i feel a bit better now. maybe i should take it slow, and do a little each day. prioritize some of the things that i need to do, and move on.

here goes nothing... time to sucker-punch sorrow.


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

10/11/2011 Long Overdue

Day 505

i've been trying to get back into blogging this past week, having great thing to talk about, but motivation has become an issue. i'll get through it though.

had a fantastic weekend just recently. visited a friend on Friday, and spend that time playing video games with him. good male bonding. went out with another friend, bombarding him with questions the entire time (sorry) , ate, drank, laughed, and watched crazy movies on netflix with his family. again, awesome. i look forward to his art show this weekend.

again, i need to stop paying attention to the news, makes me depressed. over-saturated with the overall ridiculousness of politics and big business. it's all smoke and mirrors people. it's designed to distract you from the important things. don't buy into it.

fall is here, makes me happy, though it does make it difficult to find a friend's house who lives right next to a corn field. looking forward to Halloween, since the place is pretty much decked out in Halloween decor. good stuff.

been writing, but really really slowly. i find myself questioning the words that i put on paper, but i think that's just because of the general state that i'm in. been busy with other things, the mundane but necessary tasks that are needed to keep life going. i think my brain needs a recharge.

taking myself out of the over-saturation of various things. it;s amazing how vice creeps into your life when there's nothing to do. wanting to spend money when there's no income is a bad thing. looking for that quick band-aid in a job now. something that will get me out of the house and paid, but it doesn't have to be the final solution to the problem.

car situation still hasn't been resolved. too much flip flopping. plus, i probably have a brake job coming up in the near future. crap.

anyway, sorry about the fragmentation, but that's what's been going on. peace peeps.