Mental Access to MTKuszek

Mental Access to MTKuszek
A Window of Opportunity

Saturday, May 15, 2010

05/15/2010 4th day Undiagnosed

In the 33 years that I have inhabited this world, I have some to the conclusion that I have some issues (but who doesn’t, really). After meeting up with several friends in the last 10 years, and their ADD/ Autistic children, I often wonder if I am an undiagnosed case of something on other that could explain the current state of mind I’ve been in for some time now.

Here’s my case: whenever I go to a store where I can spend money, regardless of what it might be, I get overly excited and can’t really focus on what I want. I speed through the process and my brain tries to keep up, but I feels like I can’t process the information fast enough. I feel like a drunken haze is over my senses as I dart around the area of the store looking for stuff, but can’t focus long enough to silence my mind for a simple thought as to what I really want. I can overcome this, but it takes a little time to do it. A certain media store with CD’s, DVDs, Video Games, and other gadgets is my sinful vice, so my symptoms increase tenfold whenever I’m in that store , or another environment similar said store chain.
Also, when dealing in chaotic social situation, whether its random sounds or several people talking to me at one time, I feel that haze go over my senses again. Sometimes, I just lose focus in general.

Now I was born in 1976 and was 13 in 1989, going into high school in late 1990. I don’t know how many people/ doctors/scientists/ knew about learning and social disorders back in the day, but if I was such a case, my parents pretty much blamed me for it. My struggles in school and personal development could’ve been a disorder in disguise and they may have just not known it. Perhaps it was from their upbringing that they themselves were unaware of such things.

Or maybe I was just that much of a screw-up and this is nothing.

Whatever the case may be, I need to go deeper than this to unravel my personal knot.


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