The 56th day.
Some of my friends over the years have been good friends, some have not, and sometimes it is from these same individuals that the most trying parts of your life are drawn. In fact, one nearly ruined my marriage.
I had friends in high school who were a few years behind me, but we all stayed in touch for those first sever or so years after high school. These certain individuals were a little strange but tolerable and interesting. So we were able to do things together and it was all right.
My one friend had found a girlfriend. Sometime in 1998 I think when the weather changed for the better. Not a big dead until I heard he met her at a supposed sex party. Red flags went off, but apparently my friend didn’t care. Ok, fine, whatever. Later in the summer, my friend needed advice from me about the fact that the girl didn’t want my friend to use protection during intimacy with her. Again huge red flags went off and I tild him about my concerns, but again it seemed he didn’t care.
My wife and I were married in mid 1998, and I had friends in the bridal party, including this one friend with the girlfriend. She was also in attendance. She was all right I guess, only having net her a few times, but my other friends said she was nuts.
That turned out to be a complete understatement.
As my wife and I were posing for portraits, she blurts out that she’s pregnant. I find this out on my wedding day. Super. Then they head off to the reception, whereupon they get into a large bickering match outside and bursts into tears (something she tends to do a lot). And we find out about it when we get to the reception, because they get referred to as the fighting couple, or that couple that was fighting outside. Great. Then before we leave for the night, the two of them asked if they could borrow our apartment, because they weren’t allowed at his parents house. My wife and I had an instance of perfect synchronicity as we both replied no. that ended our wonderful wedding day.
A few years passed, and inevitable these two got together and got married, and had their kid. Perhaps not in that order, but I digress. I came to realize just how screwed up this woman was as she befriended my wife. She had had abortions, two prior to my friend’s child, she had been abused by her father, she was needy, clingy , and overly emotional, prone to fits of anger and crying, and overall a frustrating person to be around. She would call my friend repeatedly when ever he was out, couldn’t be alone, and was house bound for over a year because she couldn’t handle the outside world.
She would constantly pester my wife to come over and be with her, and my wife reluctantly agreed most times. This began to stress our marriage, as I was now competing for her affection and time. Frankly, this woman that had taken my wife from me began to disgust me and I grew resentful of this fact.
But this was not the reason the marriage, my marriage, nearly ended…
Honestly, I wish I could tell you all there is to it, that there is a full and justified reason why I can’t tell you the whole story, but it is not my story to tell. I will keep those I love, and those I don’t, safe for the moment. That door shouldn’t be opened, at least not yet. There is too much pain here.
The only thing I can tell you was that my marriage was about to end with in the first four years, that it do not carry the blame for this, and that had it not been for the fact that I removed myself and my wife from the possibility of further occurrences and further damage to our marriage, I may have been a divorcee.
I am pleased to sat that these year, my wife and I will be celebrating 12 years of marriage, with no end in sight. She has become my rock and foundation, and I know that I am hers as well. We talk openly and freely about things, but rarely do we ever speak about what happened with our friends those first few years of marriage, even if jokingly.
It is hard to forgive, and damn near impossible to forget, but if you truly want something bad enough, and willing to make sacrifices, you can overcome anything. Believe that.
MK
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