Mental Access to MTKuszek
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Sunday, August 19, 2012
08--19--2012 GenCon 2012: Hardcore XP
Yesterday, i took a day trip to Indianapolis to go to GenCon and run my signature event "Qags-in-a-Bag". this was a psychotic 15 hours of insanity that was over in a blink of an eye.
i left the comforts of my home a little before 1pm and set off down the road. this first half of my trip led me from Toledo, to Fort Wayne, then deep into the heart of Indianapolis. apparently, GenCon this year fell on the same weekend as the Indiana state fair and also the Preseason opener for the Indianapolis Colts. Traffic and parking was a total pain, but i managed to get squared away around the 4:30p mark.
first steps i took were right to the dealer room, the mecca of geekdom. now, i can see myself spending tremendous time and money here, but i was on a tight schedule. i didn't really see anything that tickled my fancy. Star Trek Catan was there, but i figure i need to buy the base game first before a special set. i saw the actress that played Uhura on Star Trek, but i wasn't all that impressed. EHH. maybe it's age, maybe other things were on my mind.
i made my way out of the dealer room, and headed towards the JW Marriot. i was going to do a little scouting to find the room i was going to use for my QIB game. didn't find it straight away, because i was called by my friend Joshua to head to the RAM, a microbrewery in Indy, about four blocks away. i huffed it over there, not missing a beat since my other associates were waiting in line. i had a sumptuous dinner of Primal Chicken and Morgoth's Fury. dinner seemed to take too long and it was 20 minutes to 8pm before i headed back to the room for my game.
i had a full table, though some players were missing and had been replaced by others. it was a crazy time for certain. i'll have more detail about it in my next post.
directly after this game, about 12:15am, i made my way back to toledo and arrived home at 345 am. so far i've slept about 4 hours today. i've got a nasty lack of caffeine headache, but i'm coping. looking forward to a full night's rest.
TTYS
MK
Sunday, August 5, 2012
08-05-2012 The Truth
it has been far too long since my last post, but a lot of things have happened.
1) on the 21st of june, i terminated my relationship with my work.
yes, i'm unemployed again, and actively looking for a new job. money is tight, but i have no regrets about leaving whatsoever.
there were many factors in my decision to leave the company. i didn't feel secure in my job. i was comfortable, yes, but i knew that the company had no problem getting rid of people. also, from what i was told at the beginning of my hire date about the house, and what i was actively getting in hours were each week were way out of proportion. 12 hour days with overtime on the weekend is unacceptable in that climate. they have three shifts, there's no need for twelve hour days, but apparently that's just part of their culture. i have a close friend who works at another division of the company, and he's still on 12 hour rotations. they talked about fairness, and i saw nothing to accredit that.
the situation came to a head when i was scheduled for overtime on a day that i was supposed to have off. i had discussed a trip to cleveland with my oldest child several times over the last year, and i talked to HR several times about taking my merit day, which they told me that taking such a day on the last day of the work week allows me to have the weekend for myself. i put the plans in motion, hotel reservations, event registrations, and a smiley daughter emerged.
on that friday, i had to talk to hr, who sent me back to my direct supervisor (who i know didn't like me because of the incident after three weeks) and she had no information for me. she called several people and put them on speakerphone, trying to get me an answer. all the time there, i could begin to feel my blood boil
inevitably i was told "no" and that i was to report to work that weekend. however, they would call me if that they had a different answer for me. (which i know they wouldn't call)
that was the last straw. that was two times that they had screwed me over at the last minute, and that was two times too many.
i returned my uniform, scan card, and handbook later that day. i still get mad when i think about it.
2) life at home is on the rocks:
i thought that this job was going to cost me my marriage, but apparently leaving my job can also cause the same issue. my wife is distant, and she looks at me like i'm just another person in the household. she was happy, carefree, didn't have to worry about anything, but now she's depressed and i'm the source of her suffering. there's little to no physical contact, and i rarely hear "i love you" escape her lips. that's where the real pain hits me. it's the fact that i've let them down, even though i was the one that was suffering. that job sucked the fun out of everything, and little brings me real joy.
so that's my situation at the moment. i hope i find you in a better situation.
peace
MK
1) on the 21st of june, i terminated my relationship with my work.
yes, i'm unemployed again, and actively looking for a new job. money is tight, but i have no regrets about leaving whatsoever.
there were many factors in my decision to leave the company. i didn't feel secure in my job. i was comfortable, yes, but i knew that the company had no problem getting rid of people. also, from what i was told at the beginning of my hire date about the house, and what i was actively getting in hours were each week were way out of proportion. 12 hour days with overtime on the weekend is unacceptable in that climate. they have three shifts, there's no need for twelve hour days, but apparently that's just part of their culture. i have a close friend who works at another division of the company, and he's still on 12 hour rotations. they talked about fairness, and i saw nothing to accredit that.
the situation came to a head when i was scheduled for overtime on a day that i was supposed to have off. i had discussed a trip to cleveland with my oldest child several times over the last year, and i talked to HR several times about taking my merit day, which they told me that taking such a day on the last day of the work week allows me to have the weekend for myself. i put the plans in motion, hotel reservations, event registrations, and a smiley daughter emerged.
on that friday, i had to talk to hr, who sent me back to my direct supervisor (who i know didn't like me because of the incident after three weeks) and she had no information for me. she called several people and put them on speakerphone, trying to get me an answer. all the time there, i could begin to feel my blood boil
inevitably i was told "no" and that i was to report to work that weekend. however, they would call me if that they had a different answer for me. (which i know they wouldn't call)
that was the last straw. that was two times that they had screwed me over at the last minute, and that was two times too many.
i returned my uniform, scan card, and handbook later that day. i still get mad when i think about it.
2) life at home is on the rocks:
i thought that this job was going to cost me my marriage, but apparently leaving my job can also cause the same issue. my wife is distant, and she looks at me like i'm just another person in the household. she was happy, carefree, didn't have to worry about anything, but now she's depressed and i'm the source of her suffering. there's little to no physical contact, and i rarely hear "i love you" escape her lips. that's where the real pain hits me. it's the fact that i've let them down, even though i was the one that was suffering. that job sucked the fun out of everything, and little brings me real joy.
so that's my situation at the moment. i hope i find you in a better situation.
peace
MK
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
6-12-2012 Clarity
I've had enough. I've analyzed over and over the current situation that I'm in, and find it to be unhealthy.
after long consideration, i have chosen to exercise my options and explore other possibilities for employment.
what could change my frame of mind in such a short period of time?
i had a discussion with a few of my co-workers, cutting through the BS about everything, and getting to the very root of how we see our place of employment. just like every job there are serious issues that need to be addressed.
they preach job security, yet i don't feel secure in my job, especially now since there is a point system for each infraction you have on a forklift, and with the kick in the ass of 12 hour days at a moment's notice, fatigue will set in, and accident will happen.
i don't mind working the standard hours, but there is overtime...a lot of overtime...and not just during the weekends either (again the 12 hour shifts) and there's no way to sustain financial stability and a family life.
i refuse to have my family become strangers, and to have to inconvenience them is not a thing i want to do. the clash between work and family has never been something that i tolerate. and to tolerate it now just because of this job is, in my terms, "a bunch of crap"
i asked myself one question; " do i see this place getting any better with their policies?" and my answer was no.
the balloon has deflated, i have no motivation to continue. i need to trust my gut feelings more often.
MK
after long consideration, i have chosen to exercise my options and explore other possibilities for employment.
what could change my frame of mind in such a short period of time?
i had a discussion with a few of my co-workers, cutting through the BS about everything, and getting to the very root of how we see our place of employment. just like every job there are serious issues that need to be addressed.
they preach job security, yet i don't feel secure in my job, especially now since there is a point system for each infraction you have on a forklift, and with the kick in the ass of 12 hour days at a moment's notice, fatigue will set in, and accident will happen.
i don't mind working the standard hours, but there is overtime...a lot of overtime...and not just during the weekends either (again the 12 hour shifts) and there's no way to sustain financial stability and a family life.
i refuse to have my family become strangers, and to have to inconvenience them is not a thing i want to do. the clash between work and family has never been something that i tolerate. and to tolerate it now just because of this job is, in my terms, "a bunch of crap"
i asked myself one question; " do i see this place getting any better with their policies?" and my answer was no.
the balloon has deflated, i have no motivation to continue. i need to trust my gut feelings more often.
MK
Sunday, June 3, 2012
06-03-2012 Far Too Long
Day ???
It's been far too long since my last post, but you know how life is: $#!+ happens.
Work: i see the end in site for my scrap hauling days. i've been given notice that i'm moving back to shipping on 3rd shift at the end of this week. i feel more relaxed about things, and i know that this time will be different. no screw ups, no anxiety, moving forward with positivity. if not, and it doesn't work out, so be it. i've made some interesting companions within the last 6 months, and i'm looking forward to the next phase.
Family: i was able to see another cousin married. i was glad i was able to spend time at both the wedding and the reception. it was good to spend time with people i rarely see. i was a good time, and i wish the newlyweds the very best. I'm also planning the AnCon trip for my daughter and I. it's coming up in 2 and 1/2 weeks. getting excited, and i hope nothing gets in the way of all the fun to be had.
Recreation: A while back, i tentative agreed with Hex Games to run another installment of Qags-in-a-Bag at Gencon 2012. i was given one of the last spots available; a Saturday primetime spot from 8pm to 12am. Ok, this works for me, sort of. i figure what the hell. if it runs, great, if not, not a real problem, right? well, apparently when the events became live for people to buy tickets, my event sold out within the first three hours of availability. whoa! that's crazy, that's similar to having a concert sell-out within the first 20 minutes. incredible! i'm very excited about this, and this means that this has become a serious priority. i can't cancel it and it must be completed. i've gotta bring my a+ game for this, and try to top my previous year's spectacular outing.
nothing else to report, move along, nothing to see here.
MK
It's been far too long since my last post, but you know how life is: $#!+ happens.
Work: i see the end in site for my scrap hauling days. i've been given notice that i'm moving back to shipping on 3rd shift at the end of this week. i feel more relaxed about things, and i know that this time will be different. no screw ups, no anxiety, moving forward with positivity. if not, and it doesn't work out, so be it. i've made some interesting companions within the last 6 months, and i'm looking forward to the next phase.
Family: i was able to see another cousin married. i was glad i was able to spend time at both the wedding and the reception. it was good to spend time with people i rarely see. i was a good time, and i wish the newlyweds the very best. I'm also planning the AnCon trip for my daughter and I. it's coming up in 2 and 1/2 weeks. getting excited, and i hope nothing gets in the way of all the fun to be had.
Recreation: A while back, i tentative agreed with Hex Games to run another installment of Qags-in-a-Bag at Gencon 2012. i was given one of the last spots available; a Saturday primetime spot from 8pm to 12am. Ok, this works for me, sort of. i figure what the hell. if it runs, great, if not, not a real problem, right? well, apparently when the events became live for people to buy tickets, my event sold out within the first three hours of availability. whoa! that's crazy, that's similar to having a concert sell-out within the first 20 minutes. incredible! i'm very excited about this, and this means that this has become a serious priority. i can't cancel it and it must be completed. i've gotta bring my a+ game for this, and try to top my previous year's spectacular outing.
nothing else to report, move along, nothing to see here.
MK
Saturday, April 7, 2012
04--07--2012: Overtime Overdose/ General Nonsense
day 685
i've been working a lot of overtime, since apparently we're in our busy season. i worked almost three weeks in a row, and have had very little time to do anything else. any small projects i've had have stopped altogether. grr.
other than that, life is good. for the first time in years, we're extremely financially stable. its a good feeling.
the family home-front dynamic has changed a bit though. i feel more like i'm just a person who lives here, but i've had little interaction with the rest of the family. weekends, if i get them off, are for catching up with the family. unfortunately there are the friends of mine who i haven't seen in months. again i need to correct this. i need to call them, see them. i need to let them know that i'm still around and that i care.
it's really hard to let go of the "Family man" template and start becoming the "working class" man. man, am i bringing home the bacon. :}
all things are good, all people are healthy. i hope all is the same for you.
MK
i've been working a lot of overtime, since apparently we're in our busy season. i worked almost three weeks in a row, and have had very little time to do anything else. any small projects i've had have stopped altogether. grr.
other than that, life is good. for the first time in years, we're extremely financially stable. its a good feeling.
the family home-front dynamic has changed a bit though. i feel more like i'm just a person who lives here, but i've had little interaction with the rest of the family. weekends, if i get them off, are for catching up with the family. unfortunately there are the friends of mine who i haven't seen in months. again i need to correct this. i need to call them, see them. i need to let them know that i'm still around and that i care.
it's really hard to let go of the "Family man" template and start becoming the "working class" man. man, am i bringing home the bacon. :}
all things are good, all people are healthy. i hope all is the same for you.
MK
Sunday, March 4, 2012
03--04--2012 General Updates
day 651
it's been too long since my last post. been working 6 and 7 days a week for the past few weeks, so forgive me for the lack of posts. anyway, here's some things going on in my life at the moment.
1 totally missed Bashcon this year, due to a 7th day being added to my work schedule, and finding out about it as i walked into work friday night before my event. i was fuming about it, but the paycheck was good. however, i've learned a key lesson: money is nice, but there are things more important than money.
been busy when i've had time: from paying bills, maintaining vehicles, and just making sure things are set for the week before i disappear into the work schedule. the moments i have to myself are fleeting, but efficient.
i helped my mom with some tech support today, setting up her Nook so that it reads library books. not too thrilled with the extra steps you need to complete the task, but at least it works now.
family time comes at a premium now. so the time that i spend with them has to be quality time. it's a bit taxing on me for sure, the girls demand a lot out of me as they scramble for my attention. i try to make sure they're all happy before i go to bed. i do worry if they get along after i leave.
that's all for now. i'll try to update more when i can.
MK
it's been too long since my last post. been working 6 and 7 days a week for the past few weeks, so forgive me for the lack of posts. anyway, here's some things going on in my life at the moment.
1 totally missed Bashcon this year, due to a 7th day being added to my work schedule, and finding out about it as i walked into work friday night before my event. i was fuming about it, but the paycheck was good. however, i've learned a key lesson: money is nice, but there are things more important than money.
been busy when i've had time: from paying bills, maintaining vehicles, and just making sure things are set for the week before i disappear into the work schedule. the moments i have to myself are fleeting, but efficient.
i helped my mom with some tech support today, setting up her Nook so that it reads library books. not too thrilled with the extra steps you need to complete the task, but at least it works now.
family time comes at a premium now. so the time that i spend with them has to be quality time. it's a bit taxing on me for sure, the girls demand a lot out of me as they scramble for my attention. i try to make sure they're all happy before i go to bed. i do worry if they get along after i leave.
that's all for now. i'll try to update more when i can.
MK
Sunday, February 12, 2012
02--12--12: Creativity! GO!
day 630
i was worried that the creative aspect was beginning to slip away from me, with the new job and all. i had become preoccupied with the aspect of trying to secure my spot at the plant. i think i took some good steps towards this goal this past week.
for two days, i was alone in my scrapping duties, having to run two forklifts at once for a full eight hours, in non-stop movement. now that part has been rectified, and i seriously doubt that i will ever have to worry about being solo ever again. the oversight has been corrected by staffing. the key thing that i took away from this experience is that nothing was able to stop my determination to do a good job without any mistakes, and this was a huge boost to my confidence. confidence was something that has been at a deficit mostly with some ebb and flow here and there since i started this job. i think the worry is finally over, since i can overcome pretty much anything in my area now.
on Wednesday, i was able to really feel comfortable with other people at the plant, throw a few wisecracks and jokes here and there with the other coworkers. things are returning to normal now for the most part, and my normal pattern of thought is starting to return.
additionally, this past weekend i was off from the job; no forced overtime luckily for me. having said that, i was going to return to my friends' home for a weekend gaming session. unfortunately, due to other family demands ( the daughter's swim meet) they had to change the schedule from sat evening to a sunday day session. now normally, i sleep at this time, and i pretty much concluded that i wasn't going to be able to make it to the game. more than slightly bummed, i realized that my first comvention was now about a week away, and that i hadn't run anything since Gencon back in august of last year. i needed a tune-up, a chance to flex my mind muscles and get ready for Bashcon.
then i realized something: Mr. Joshua Burnett is on the same sleep cycle as me, and i knew that he would be up late on saturday evening. moreover, the last time we saw each other, he mentioned that he wanted to try out "Dread" and he knew that i had it.
a plan began to form...
i had a few Dread scenarios that i had run within the last year or so, and had everything that i needed to run them in the closet upstairs or on my computer. i checked with my wife to make sure it would be alright to leave for the night on saturday evening, and i received her blessing. quickly i sent off a text message to Mr. Burnett about the possible gaming session. he was more than thrilled at the prospect.
i ran my "Welcome to Saw Hill" scenario, a mash-up of elements from Silent Hill and Saw. using my silent hill air raid siren audio file, i was able to really put the players on edge, and the unfortunate demise of Mr. Burnett's character at the middle of the game. following the loose framework of the game, the other two players were able to finish the game without significant incident, though there were some close calls here and there. they even caught some of the references to the actual silent hill franchise, since they had played the games prior to this event.
the game went over very well, and seem to be looking forward to the next installment, whatever that may be, in the future.
i felt the cork that had been on my creativity break loose, and now i'm here, looking at some of the things i have slated for the rest of the year. My Qags-in-a-Bag hits its fifth anniversary next week, and all the stuff i need for that game is sitting out ready to go. i'm also working again on my projects, which i have been completely lacking any interest in completing the past several months. i feel that the worst is finally behind me, now to just prevent any relapse.
Creativity Powers..GO!
MK
i was worried that the creative aspect was beginning to slip away from me, with the new job and all. i had become preoccupied with the aspect of trying to secure my spot at the plant. i think i took some good steps towards this goal this past week.
for two days, i was alone in my scrapping duties, having to run two forklifts at once for a full eight hours, in non-stop movement. now that part has been rectified, and i seriously doubt that i will ever have to worry about being solo ever again. the oversight has been corrected by staffing. the key thing that i took away from this experience is that nothing was able to stop my determination to do a good job without any mistakes, and this was a huge boost to my confidence. confidence was something that has been at a deficit mostly with some ebb and flow here and there since i started this job. i think the worry is finally over, since i can overcome pretty much anything in my area now.
on Wednesday, i was able to really feel comfortable with other people at the plant, throw a few wisecracks and jokes here and there with the other coworkers. things are returning to normal now for the most part, and my normal pattern of thought is starting to return.
additionally, this past weekend i was off from the job; no forced overtime luckily for me. having said that, i was going to return to my friends' home for a weekend gaming session. unfortunately, due to other family demands ( the daughter's swim meet) they had to change the schedule from sat evening to a sunday day session. now normally, i sleep at this time, and i pretty much concluded that i wasn't going to be able to make it to the game. more than slightly bummed, i realized that my first comvention was now about a week away, and that i hadn't run anything since Gencon back in august of last year. i needed a tune-up, a chance to flex my mind muscles and get ready for Bashcon.
then i realized something: Mr. Joshua Burnett is on the same sleep cycle as me, and i knew that he would be up late on saturday evening. moreover, the last time we saw each other, he mentioned that he wanted to try out "Dread" and he knew that i had it.
a plan began to form...
i had a few Dread scenarios that i had run within the last year or so, and had everything that i needed to run them in the closet upstairs or on my computer. i checked with my wife to make sure it would be alright to leave for the night on saturday evening, and i received her blessing. quickly i sent off a text message to Mr. Burnett about the possible gaming session. he was more than thrilled at the prospect.
i ran my "Welcome to Saw Hill" scenario, a mash-up of elements from Silent Hill and Saw. using my silent hill air raid siren audio file, i was able to really put the players on edge, and the unfortunate demise of Mr. Burnett's character at the middle of the game. following the loose framework of the game, the other two players were able to finish the game without significant incident, though there were some close calls here and there. they even caught some of the references to the actual silent hill franchise, since they had played the games prior to this event.
the game went over very well, and seem to be looking forward to the next installment, whatever that may be, in the future.
i felt the cork that had been on my creativity break loose, and now i'm here, looking at some of the things i have slated for the rest of the year. My Qags-in-a-Bag hits its fifth anniversary next week, and all the stuff i need for that game is sitting out ready to go. i'm also working again on my projects, which i have been completely lacking any interest in completing the past several months. i feel that the worst is finally behind me, now to just prevent any relapse.
Creativity Powers..GO!
MK
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